Charles The Technician

Idiot of the week: You mean I have to actually run these programs?

Posted by Charles | Filed under Idiot of the week

Lady brought her computer in the shop other day and was furious she had someone contracted a virus. She was getting pop ups from hell and much much worse. Turns out she didn’t have a mild infection she had several virii problems and spyware galore. Wouldn’t have surprised me if someone was using her machine as one of the botnets hubs.

So after having casually said, “It looks like you have a virus problem” as she dropped of the computer she not so casually let me know that she is extremely diligant in making sure all anti-virus and anti-spyware/adware programs are installed and functional and that she doesn’t use any “risky” behaviour on the interenet.

Fair enough I still think she has a virus, she would have none of that though, I was told that it couldn’t be a virus but someone breaking into her system everytime she turned it on and I was to lock it down.

So I took the computer down into the shop and worked on it, ran a few cursory scan s and found that yes, she has a major virus problem.

One of the things we do when we do find a virus spyware problem to be the cause of the problem is we call them up and let them know, and let them know that now that we have diagnosed the problem it is $90 for us to fix it or the regular $35 diagnostic fee if they want to take it away, since they have already paid the diagnostic fee we wave it if they want us to fix it so now it really only costs $55 more.

So I called her up and let her know and again she made it clear that she didn’t want a virus spyware removal she just wanted the system locked down so that no one else could get into it. That it was impossible for her to get a virus and that she was ever so diligant with her virus and spyware removal software.

I asked her to come down to the shop so I could show her a few things that I had noticed while I was running some cursory scans.

Mainly this:

Reasons you are an idiot:

1.) You still argued with me after I made it perfectly clear what was going on.
2.) You think people can hack into your computer when you have no connection to the internet.
3.) When I told you that you had to run the programs and make them perform scan you looked at me like I had told you red was blue.
4.) You still thought it was hackers after all this.

Fuck you,

Charles~

Idiot of the week: You mean this new hard drive is blank?

Posted by Charles | Filed under Idiot of the week

Last week we sold a hard drive to a customer that decided they didn’t want us to fix their problem.  It had been determined that their Hard drive had failed and that we would have to replace the hard drive and install their operating system for them.

They didn’t much like that idea, so they opted to purchase a hard drive from us.

Day or two passes and they call us back.

Them:  I purchased this hard drive from you but I’m getting an error message.
Me:      What kind of error message, what does it say?
Them:  Operating System not found.

After going back and forth why that was the case and them being rather upset that a brand new hard drive was supposed to be blank I explained to them in detail how to install the operating system.

Them:  You expect me to do all that?
Me:      No not really that is why I urged you to let us do it for you.

Only so much you can do for people.  I’m tempted to just record every conversation I ever have now so I can play it back to them, something I’ve found rather humerous in the shop owners dealings with some of his problems.

Now I had expected that to be the end of it all, either they bring in the computer and we do an operating system reinstall or they do it themselves, nope.

Them:  It says the hard drive isn’t in there, but I’ve hooked it up, the hard drive you gave us is defective.

Winds up they didn’t hook it up right.  But once they did hook it up right windows installer still didn’t see the hard drive.  Because it was SATA so I had to walk them through how to set their BIOS to “Compatibility mode”.

By the end of all this, it’s somehow still my fault, and I’m the jerk.

Reasons you are an idiot:
1.) I just spent well over a combined total of 45 minutes on the phone with you, for free.
2.) I’ve been upfront with you on every single thing about this purchase.
3.) You wonder why I made it perfectly clear that I will not warranty anything you’ve done, with your masterful do it yourself attitude.
4.) The hard drive you purchased was a steal and a half at 10% of what the local market would sell it for and you bitched unendingly about how we gouged you on it.
5.) I’m back bitches.

Fuck you,
Charles~

Idiot of the week: Multiple Synaptic Misfiring Idiots of Doom

Posted by Charles | Filed under Idiot of the week

Idiot 5: Help I can’t play Pogo!

Ok for some reason 85% of our customers use this website called pogo.com, literally everytime we have an outage the pogo brigade comes out of the woodworks and slams the phones. So pogo had an outage last week and believe me I knew within 15 minutes of their website going down.

Her: Hi this is [Her name I can’t remember], and I can’t play pogo.
Me: You can’t browse any website or just pogo?
Her: Just pogo, I’ve been with y’all for 4 years and usually it’s pretty good but tonight I can’t play pogo.
Me: So you can view google and yahoo and other webpages but cannot view pogo’s webpage?
Her: Yes
Me: Ok making sure, alright let me take a look…nope I can’t pull it up either, they must be down for a bit, give it some time.
Her: You are checking from your internet connection which I’m on as well, the problem is with your equipment I just want to play pogo will you fix it?
Me: I’m browsing from 2 different sources, one is the T1 we use for our dial up customers and one is the DSL which I have for our repair side to keep virus / spyware problems from hitting our main network and as a back up.
Her: Look I don’t care, I want to play pogo and your service isn’t letting me

Now imagine 200 people like this calling for the next 2 hours. I’m not kidding it didn’t let up, and people called back 30 minutes later and some called 4 or 5 times in that 2 hour span. I eventually forwarded the phones to my cell phone and set it to have a message saying pogo’s website is down if you can view other webpages it is not your internet connection it’s just pogo, if you can’t view any other webpage leave a message and I’ll get back with you.

My voice mailbox filled up in 10 minutes.

“Why the fuck can’t I play pogo?”
“You motherfuckers are blocking pogo!”

and on and on and on. I was getting scared and tempted to go grab my AR-15 from the apartment leave it in the tech area with a clip in but no round in the chamber and lock the doors. I expected pitch fork and torches coming up main street any minute.

Then pogo came back up.

“Thanks for listening and unblocking pogo”

In the eyes of a pogo player, pogo can do no wrong.

—————————————————————

Idiot 4: Want my windows reinstalled and set back up.

Guy came in 3 weeks ago asked me to reinstall windows for him, typically what I do is copy over the my documents folder grabbing up all their pictures, music, videos, and documents. Kind of my way of saying thank you and going the extra mile. This guy was an internet customer so I went ahead and copied over his email inbox as well.

Reinstalled windows, setup drivers, setup our dial up connection, installed the basics (AVG, Adaware 2007, Spybot S&D, Adobe Document Reader, Firefox, Flash player) setup his email copied over all his stuff and gave him a call.

Computer went home, guy paid and was happy.

Later that night:

Me: [My company], this is Charles, how may I help you?
Him: I TOLD YOU TO WIPE MY COMPUTER CLEAN, I STILL HAVE ALL THIS STUFF ON MY COMPUTER AND IT’S WHAT MAKES IT RUN SLOW!!!

Note: Hardrive space free != Speed.

I had to figure out who the guy was and let him know but still he went on and on and on.

Me: Ok, typically what we do is copy over all your documents and pictures and set you back up with the basics after we do a windows reinstall, I asked you before we did all this to make sure that you were going to be keeping the computer because when you want to sell it most want it wiped with no personal data on it. Documents and pictures take up very little space and even so, free space on your hard drive does not mean your computer will go faster.
Him: I WANT MY COMPUTER WIPED CLEAN, I DON’T WANT ANY OF THIS JUNK!
Me: Ok then delete it, just select it and delete it.
Him: NO I WANT YOU TO DO IT!
Me: Ok bring in on down here and I’ll take care of it.

So I did, lesson learned: No good deed goes unpunished.

Tune in sometime within a week for more idiots, I promise I’ll post some more quick ones. It’s just been so hectic lately and the idiots so numerous that I can’t find one that sticks out and is post worthy.

Charles~

Idiot of the week: Psyco Bitch from Hell

Posted by Charles | Filed under Idiot of the week, Rants

Not tech related, much more personal. I figured you guys might enjoy this.

I’ve been dating a woman for the last month or so and up until about a little over a week ago it was all going great. I’m planning on starting college in the fall so really getting attached to someone locally isn’t on my list of things I want to do. So primarily my aims have been to be somewhat of a social person. I can’t just sit over a computer all day, on IRC, or in one of the plethora of forums I visit (or am staff on).

So along comes Vicky, I met Vicky while I was out on lunch at one of the local coffee shops about 2 blocks down from the shop. The place was crowded so I asked if I could sit with her. We talked and were having a decently good time. I asked if she would like to have lunch some other time and we did.

Somethings you should know about me, up until last may I was a very religious person. Now, not so much, however I retain some of the morals. You probably think that I’m just some asshole on the internet but really, this page is where you see the worst of me. This site is supposed to be that way, everyone has an asshole side to them and this is mine. Now what I’m getting at is that one of the morals I’ve retained is, I prefer to be a virgin until I’m married.

My initial observation of Vicky was that she was a very down to earth girl, brought up in a Christian home had held on to what she knew to be good and let the rest fall to the way side. She was a tom boy of sorts which is always a plus and didn’t appear to have any of disqualifying factors in what I look for in a woman.

Date after the lunch date (which I consider to be the first date because lunch dates are typically reserved for platonic relationships such as friendships or acquaintances however dinner dates are more for the romantic sort.) this subject just happened to rear it’s head and I stated quite matter of factly exactly where I stood on the subject.

This is where it all the signs of the shit storm that was to come began to appear.

I’m usually very good at reading people, it comes naturally and is enhanced by the training I received in the army especially in the interrogation training. I could not believe how far off I was. By the 2nd real date (Read one lunch date, second dinner date) it became clear to me that she was dating another person, this didn’t bother me because I knew were not exclusive or going steady or whatever the current terminology is so I didn’t care. She also made it a habit of trying to sneak sex into the discussion whenever it was possible or some sort of joke. In itself it’s nothing wrong, however the intentions made it so. She was attempting to get me all worked up.

By the 3rd date she seemed to have lost her self confidence and baited me to compliment her almost throughout the entire night.

By the 4th date she had no clue what she was doing, she appeared nervous and deep in thought about something else the entire date. She was able to carry on casual conversation but anything that required thought was met with monosyllabic answers.

At the end of the 4th date as I was leaving I gave her a kiss and walked away. Not but 5 steps out she tells me to stop.

“You can stop playing your game about being a virgin, and your wanting to move slowly in the relationship, come inside I’m tired of playing games.”

She had surprised me I was pretty sure that such an idea was impossible considering the seriousness of which we talked about it, “No, I was actually serious about all that.”

She seemed a little phased but said, “Give it up already, come inside. Look, I’ll admit I’ve been playing some games with you as well, for instance, I’m not dating anyone else. I just wanted you to think you might lose me and to pass on the thought that I’m a little more valuable then you thought. I know you are basically doing the same thing, pretending to be a virgin so that I think sex with you is something special, and waiting till now to kiss me has been part of your plan to starve me for affection and get me hot and bothered and ready to go at the drop of a hat”

I was dumbstruck, “No, no, I’m very serious about all that, it’s not some game, I’ve never been much for playing games in relationships. If I’m picking on you it’s one thing and the game ends quickly, I shoot pretty straight.” I kissed her on the cheek and left.

Up the road a ways my cell phone started ringing, I couldn’t find it, it had fallen out of my pocket and worked it’s way behind my seat. So I drove on home. The voicemail was pretty much a repeat of all of it and calling me a “fucking player” and a few other nonsensical things. It was hard to pick up some of it as she was half shreaking half screaming through it all.

I waited and called her back the next day to make sure it wasn’t all a big joke, but my calls never got through.

For about the next week I would get a voice mail or text message telling me how big a jerk I am.

Hrm…this is an idiot of the week post might as well do it right.

Reasons you are an idiot!~
1.) You never learned that people quit listening to you when you scream.
2.) Your choice of men and learned behaviour concerning games they play has led you to believe that any man over the age of 14 who claims he is a virgin is a liar and is saying so to get you to sleep with him.
3.) You require sex to feel loved.
4.) You went from zero to psyco in .3 seconds.
5.) You didn’t give me prier warning so that I could time it correctly.
6.) You have tried to break into my webserver 4 times and can’t figure out why your browser is redirecting you to lemonparty (cause you just visited 11 times in a row to the same page.)
7.) You do the same thing over and over expecting a different result (this is a sign of insanity) but keep being forwarded to lemonparty.

Fuck you (Not in the literal sense)
Charles~

PS: What is worse? The idea that there are actually guys out there that pretend to be virgins to get laid, or that there are enough of them out there that predicting this kind of behavior is a learned behavior for some women?

Idiots of the month: Us, or so ISP’s think.

Posted by Charles | Filed under Idiot of the week, Rants

I’m really interested in the legality of this, or if it would even be a good court case. You’ve probably heard all this discussion about net neutrality but really this is only vaguely related.

I’m talking about hard limits on the amount of data you can download or upload through your ISP.

It has been proven over and over that just about every ISP starts to throttle your connection or cut it off completely after an arbitrary amount. The usual kill spot is 100 Gigabytes some go as high as allowing 100 down and 100 up before trottling or shutting down completely.

However in selling you a 1.5Mb/s line with no stipulation on download limits or upload limits in any contract or user agreement is the same as (after simple conversion) selling you a:

1.5Mb/s = 0.1875 MB/s contract.
(8 Megabit’s = 1 Megabyte)

or in terms of months, 0.1875 MB/s * 60 seconds * 60 minutes * 24 hours * 30 days = 486,000 MB/month.

in the future I’ll use the number 2592000 as 60*60*24*30 = 2592000 to show the whole conversion from seconds to months

486,000 MB/month connection. Which comes in at around 474.61 GB/month (due to the whole 1024 MB = GB.)
Remember how we said there were hard coded limits your ISP do not tell you about? Well lets use math! (it works bitches)

( X / 8 ) * 2592000 = Y
For converting Xbits per second to Xbits per month

or

( Y / 2592000 ) * 8 = X
For converting Xbits per month to Xbits per second

X = Units(in bits) per second
Y = units(in bytes) per month

Because there is a 100 Gigabyte limit per month (100 X 1024=102400 to turn it into Megabytes (102400 Megabytes)) we can toss that in as X and figure out your actual speed per second rate.

(102400 / 2592000) * 8 = .31604 (and about 20 more decimal places)

So really all you have is a .31 Mb/s line that is burstable up to 1.5 Mb/s if 1.5 Mb/s is the advertised rate.

Burtstable is a term used a lot in bandwidth, especially on shared T1’s. When working out contracts if one sold you a T1 with full 1.5Mb/s throughput but really only let you have 512Kb/s burstable up to 1.5Mb/s (when conditions favored) they would get their asses handed to them in court. It’s Fraud.

So why do ISP’s get away with selling their service as if we have 1.5 Mb/s when we really only have a .316Mb/s line burstable to 1.5Mb/s?

Damn good question, I’d like to find out myself.

Reason we are idiots

1.) We sign a contract allowing us to pick up a gallon of milk a week but are shutdown if we drink more then half a gallon a month, and don’t care or don’t question why.
2.) We live in a country that is more then happy enough to sue but we don’t.

Idiot of the week: Mr. Illegal Windows

Posted by Charles | Filed under Idiot of the week

Microsoft came out with the “Windows Genuine Advantage” update sometime around summer last year, ever since then we get a rash of people that say they have “illegal windows” and need to purchase a valid license and to back up their stuff etc.

One guy came in 2 months ago and purchased XP Pro and asked that his system not be wiped at all. Since we were going from Pro to Pro we can just update the key using a tool that microsoft provides.

Went through and did the validation and put the new windows key in, ran full updates (cause I’m such a nice guy) and let him have his system back. Even showed him the new shiney key using Magic Jelly Bean Keyfinder to display that it had infact taken the new key.
Now for most people, I probably wouldn’t ever hear of it again, unless he had some other issue needed taking care of.

Nope, just last week got a nice phone call…

Me: [my company], this is Charles how may I help you?
Him: You mother fucker you sold me an illegal copy of windows
Me: excuse me…? [he continued talking when I said this]
Him: I’m calling microsoft and reporting you, and also am going to take this shit to court. My buddy is a technician and he told me that it only looks like you took off the bubbles.[he takes a deep breath]
Me: Ok hang on just one second, who are you?
Him: [his name]
Me: Ok when did we sell you a copy of windows?
Him: Last month [he was off by a month]
Me: Ok, do you have a sticker on the side of your computer that has the key?
Him: Yep
Me: That is your license, it’s legit, we checked it before you left.
Him: Bullshit it says it is illegal, and I’m not the one who put it there you are, I’m going to call the police on you. Pirating is illegal.
Me: You realize that there can be false positives or even spyware that immitates that notification to try and get money from you correct?
Him: No I didn’t know that, how can you tell?
Me: It’s pretty complicated, bring your computer on down to the shop and I’ll be able to tell you in 5 minutes.
Him: [Deep breath] [Unintelligible Nueron Misfire] Mother fucker I’m not bringing my computer down there you can kiss my ass.
Me: Ok by me, just be sure and spell my name correctly. [Click]

I didn’t hear from him again until yesterday when he brought his computer in.

Magic Jelly Bean Keyfinder says it is the old key, I have screenshots showing I had updated the key, it’s logged, and everything.

I start looking through event logs and all the sudden things start clicking. There is a big gap between 2 weeks prior to when he brought in the computer, and 2 weeks ago. Now I know I used that computer during that gap, so the event log should have something in that time frame. But nothing.

This dumbass went and did a system restore to a point prior to when we used the key updater tool provided by microsoft.

I called the idiot and explained to him what had happened and he flipped out again “That shouldn’t have changed my license”, well buddy apparantly it did. I refuse to work on this system unless you allow me to wipe it clean using the new license key.

Oh he would have none of that, in the face of glaring idiocy he still tried to blame it on me. “The system worked 2 weeks ago.”

I hate when people say that shit, my truck worked yesterday is it my mechanics fault that I let all the oil drain out today and drove for 4 miles? Then shut the hell up.

I told him he could do his own work, I refuse to fix it. He can come pick it up or he can let me wipe it (I’d backup as much as I could of course).

Ever the asshole to the end he said “Fine I’ll be there in 30 minutes”. 30 minutes passed, an hour, 2 hours, and in he came. His wife was obviously pissed off and was behind him, I was expecting a shouting match in the store but the wife looked at me and smiled.

“I’m sorry about my husband, he is sorry too, aren’t you?” He nodded. She continued, “Would you please go ahead and fix the computer, I understand if we will have to pay for your time but we do need it done.”

So I did. I wiped the drive, I installed fresh, did all the drivers (cause Windows sucks at finding all the drivers, ethernet, video, sound, all hardly ever work on fresh installs and people gripe about linux >_<). System went home, Charles got paid, Idiots shutup. All in all, a very good day for all.

Reasons you are an idiot:

1.) You blamed me for something you did, something you already admitted to doing.
2.) You screamed on the phone, most 7 year olds realized that when they start screaming people ignore them, atleast the one’s raised correctly. Perhaps you need a good spanking.
3.) You think “it worked last ____” means anything to me. Fuck off
4.) When you came into pick up the computer you tried to intimidate me, making a sullen defeated face like you had when your wife dragged you in shut you up quick.
5.) Because your reasoning skills barely equal that of a 9 year old, and it would be an insult to people with down syndrome for me to say you had an extra 23rd chromosome.

Fuck you,
Charles~

Idiot of the week: Mr. AT&T Tech can’t configure his own router.

Posted by Charles | Filed under Idiot of the week

Today was kinda interesting. Our mail server hosting provider updated the firewall and left the old access list up. So I had went around diagnosing the problem till I just tracked it down to a firewall problem. Mail server is also our radius server so it kept our billing system from being able to create new accounts, change passwords or check radius.

Then I got a phone call from one of the county offices that they were leaving the city provided internet connection (Some DSL on a dry pair) and going to AT&T but they had an idiot installing who just spent 2 hours on the phone with a “Level 4″ tech back at base. Also they wanted help setting up their email. So I’m expecting some issues with the phone system since they are basically switching from one DSL provider to another.

Nope, phone system looks fine he had stuck the DSL on the circuit properly and all (good job). What was stumping him was the fact that they had ordered a static IP address. Now here is the fun part.

This business has all internal IP addresses setup statically and in the subnet of 192.168.38.XX (255.255.255.0)
The default setting for this router is 10.0.X.X (255.255.0.0), this customer had literally 114 systems on the inside of their network all with IP addresses setup at those machines, most being windows 2k, some *nix boxes and 1 Mac (el oh el!)

PPPoE was not turned on or given login / password, wrong internal network subnet (unless he was going to change 114 systems himself), and he didn’t know the way his own company goes about giving static IP addresses is by using dedicated dynamic ip addresses. So when he said “I’m done” and then nothing worked I had to go to lunch, I advised the guy there to do the same and let this technician play.

One hour later it still doesn’t work and he is still on the phone with the “Level 4″ tech and the “level 4″ tech’s boss.

I go and shut off the wireless from another system (he was using wireless to connect to the router on his laptop) and then go and setup the entire network, put in the password, set the internal IP address to 192.168.38.1 (like all 114 systems are expecting) and then configured PPPoE, configured the external address to be grabbed automatically (DHCP) and rebooted the router, and turned on the wireless.

I walked back in and said “It’s working now, what did you do?” Dumbfounded for a moment he looks up and says “Well I configured the router of course.” about this time I walk away and head back to the shop and let this douchenozzle figure out all the changes that occured while he was unable to connect to the router.

Reasons you are an idiot

1.) 4 fucking hours and even phone tech support and the ability to google using the other router and you still can’t figure out BASIC settings for your own routers that your company installs at almost EVERY single location.
2.) You made 4 or 5 jokes about how easy the training for DSL tech was and that you had slept through half of it, believe us…we can tell.
3.) You claimed to be a linux admin but had no clue what distro you use. Great use of Linux to try and make yourself seem a higher tier geek.
4.) I gave you hints along the way and you still failed miserably.
5.) You failed to convince the guy that you fixed it in the end even though I didn’t tell him who it was or what I was doing.
6.) You actually brought the average level of competance of the AT&T / SBC’s technician down by joining up with them. WHICH IS PRETTY FUCKING HARD TO DO, considering how low it is.

Fuck you,
Charles~

Idiot of the week: Mr. Trying to hack one of my customers (hotels)

Posted by Charles | Filed under Idiot of the week

My company provides internet services to 2 hotels outside of the city limits. This includes wireless internet access. Every now and again we get some dipshit that thinks he is some L33T HAXXOR. I’ve setup a few networks in my time so I think I know what I’m doing.

I setup a redirect for the “access denied” after so many attempts on all my routers and accesspoints at the hotels. These redirects point to what’s called a “honey pot”. a “honey pot” is basically a THIS IS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE looks-like-you-got-in-but-you-really-didn’t style page. Complete with fake data abilities to change settings that doesn’t really effect anything. This honey pot comes up after 10 tries at the login and pw after that point anyone that tries to login for the next 30 minutes that doesn’t get the correct password is shot over to the honey pot.
What this page does do is send me an email and a text message on my cellphone once someone starts digging around and changing settings (you have to change settings and hit ok for it to email me)

So yesterday at around 4am there was a 22 year old punk sitting in the hotels parking lot surfing around checking his email trying to figure a way to break the router. Google searches included: “How to tell what router is being used”, “Default passwords for routers”, “How to break a password”, “How to break a network”, “How to get little boys to come into your van with candy”,”Class action lawsuit against Barney for mental redardation inflicted upon viewers.” (ok so I made that last one up, but I’ll leave you guessing on the prior one.).

My phone starts doing it’s dance across the nightstand and finally wakes me up, I look over to find no less then 20 attempts to get into the router, so I spring into action with my handy dandy laptop and scooby doo boxers only to get half way down the stairs to the front door and realize…I need more clothes. So after preparing to go kick some ass (which included much needed shirt and pants (shoes optional (going for three levels deep of parenthetic yumminess!))) I drive down to the hotel and start sniffing around for transmissions coming from his computer, armed with his IP address, his MAC address I start driving around the parking lot scanning channel 6 when I get a flood of traffic with really good reception.

I had found him. Now most people right about now would get out of the truck and go beat the shit out of this guy…not me. I parked a little bit away and I started watching and had my laptop sniffing any packets from his system.

Hi login and password to your email account (picture is of a packet dump):

It’s a link so you can see the large version if you want without the funky zoom effect (GO GO MSPAINT + GIMP!)

oh it got better, he downloaded femdom porn (man is dominated by the woman), donkey show porn, then there was 10 minutes where it was nothing but Instant messenger beacons going out and no data, which I assume he was masturbating.
Then this dipshit thought he shutdown the router, but the second he did all it did was add his computer to the list of mac addresses that couldn’t connect. I get out of my truck, go and knock on his door and he jumps 2 feet in the air from a sitting position, his pants were unzipped and down a bit and it must have been cold outside (65 degrees but I’ll give Mr. lost in the bushes the benefit of the doubt) the conversation went like this.

“Hi, I’m the network administrator for this hotel and I’ve been watching you for the last 45 minutes, I noticed you were trying to shut down my network.

“I don’t know what your talking about man.”

“I also know your are into donkey shows, femdom porn and that your email address is JJsimpson@[deleted.com]”

“Dude you been spying on me!?!”

“Yeah, you trying to break into my router got my attention, so here is the deal, either you give me your wireless card out of your laptop over there or I’m calling the cops, which is it gonna be.”

He’s looking me up and down now trying to figure out if I’m joking or if he can over power me, I’m 6′4″ weigh 225. He’s about 5′8″ to 5′9″ and I want to say weighs 160 maybe 170 and is in his early early 20’s.

He tells me no so I pull out my cell phone and start dialing, the phone is ringing and I say “Just so I got all this straight your license plate number is Lousiana: 54G[rest deleted] and your last name is simpson and your hair color is brown and you have a small scar on your left chin looks like you got cut a few years ago?” and he says “No man, quit here you can have it.”

I take his card and break it in half and say “Have a nice day, don’t try and break my networks again or you won’t be given the same choice next time.”

Reasons you are an idiot:

1.) You use an email service which doesn’t encrpyt the login and password prior to sending.
2.) You had to use 20 attempts to get in instead of 10, WTF. You are twice as stupid as the regular script kiddy.
3.) I really dialed the store, I hate involving the police in anything especially when a good ass kicking would suffice.
4.) You don’t have the balls to surf porn at your own home because of (I assume a wife judging by the wedding ring), so you sneak out like a little bitch to get your fix.
5.) Most relationship counselors would call that a very destructive habit, and what the hell are you doing it at 4am-4:45am for?
6.) I just used your own email account to send your wife an email detailing why your laptop no longer has a wireless card and where you were sunday morning at 4am.

Fuck you,
Charles~